dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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