Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
