I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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