sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
