Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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