The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
