I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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