it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
