i may or may not be watching the land before time
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
