When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
