I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
