I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
