remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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