So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
