I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
