I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
