i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
