you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
