It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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