she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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