what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
