You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
