I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
