Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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