It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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