New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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