So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
