I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
