I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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