just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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