i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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