i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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