This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
