Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
