you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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