The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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