he puts the penis in happiness.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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