She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
