Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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