Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
