A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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