Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
