fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
