the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
