just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
