Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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