I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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