my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
