I'm really into asian looking animals
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
