I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
