so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
