woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
