hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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