sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
