I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
