I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
