I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
