3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
