I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so that wasnt chicken after all
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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