Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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