I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
