Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
