NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
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The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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