Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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